Horror Express aka Panico en el Transiberiano (1972)

Horror Express is fantastic mix of Euro-style horror, mixing elements of British Hammer Horror films with those of the more violent Spanish and Italian-style films of the 1970s. Horror Express makes me wonder how much of the film was intentional, because it's an uncanny mix of fun and horror, especially for '72. There's enough in this movie to please any B-movie fan including a prehistoric monster, crackpot science, alien possession, and zombies, not to mention other goofy elements like Russian cossacks (led by Telly Savalas!) and a Rasputin-esque mad monk (played excellently by Alberto de Mendoza). Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee are at the center of the picture, lending the film as much credence as it can possibly have. What better pair to have by your side when having to swallow some of the worst "science" put to film? The characters are flat and the plot is nonsensical, but somehow it manages to pull you in. What really makes the movie, though, is the creepy little things that just snowball to the end like the drained pupil-less eyes of the victims, the red glowing eyes of the possessed, and the creepy autopsy scene. The film is essentially The Thing on a train done Euro-horror style and it's really damn fun. Horror Express is the kind of forgotten horror film that you can only dream of stumbling upon. On the surface, it's no better than any other derivative horror pic, but it's so silly, energetic, and gleefully earnest that you can't help having a good time.

8/10

Curse of the Demon (1957)

Directed by Jacques Tourneur, Curse of the Demon is a delightfully entertaining witchcraft thriller with solid performances all around and fine-tuned technically. Dana Andrews plays a psychologist investigating the death of a colleague who had gotten mixed up in some witchcraft research. Andrews is an ardent skeptic despite being shown time after time that Dr Karswell (Niall MacGinnis) does in fact have magical powers. His pig-headedness gets to frustrating levels, but he finally gets it. MacGinnis' Karswell is equal parts charm and evil, performing party tricks for children one second then conjuring wind storms the next. The special effects for the late 50s are fantastic, particularly the smoke and fire effects. The demon itself, which was a point of contention between Tourneur and producer Hal Chester, was hit and miss but always surrounded by amazing light and smoke effects, the caliber of which I don't think we see again until the 1980s. My favorite effects moment came during a forest pursuit, where the protagonist was being chased by an enormous ball of white smoke. It looked amazing in black and white. The most impressive effects, though, come from the moody atmosphere and Tourneur's impeccable timing. There was one scene where I jumped two or three times... at silly things! It's like he took the Lewton bus to heart and started stacking them. They weren't even full on shock cuts. Complete with ancient tome, hexes, demons, and various other neat witchcraft related phenomena, Curse of the Demon is witchcraft horror done right.

8/10

Creeping Flesh, The (1973)

A surprisingly good B-horror film in the style of the Hammer flicks of the 60s and 70s. Peter Cushing plays a (rather terrible) scientist who stumbles upon the skeleton of a prehistoric man/beast while digging in New Guinea. His research suggests that his specimen is a prophesied demon--evil incarnate. He attempts to make a vaccination against evil using its blood cells after discovering it regenerates its flesh upon direct contact with water, then promptly experiments on a human being which predictably ends in terrible results. Christopher Lee plays his villainous half-brother, head of an insane asylum, and is not given nearly enough time on-screen. Lorna Heilbron plays Cushing's daughter, and pulls off a pretty impressive transformation from virginal to evil/slutty about halfway through. The writing is middling, and the pseudo-science that drives the picture is absolutely stupid, but the acting and the atmosphere are both excellent. So much so, that it holds the picture up from the ranks of other Hammer fare that often would sink into cliche or boredom. The creeping flesh special effect was fun for low-budget 70s and the monster unleashed at the end was quite creepy. One funny thing to note: For a significant portion of the picture, the only creeping flesh we see is on a giant digit of the monster's finger bone that Cushing hacks off. Because of the lack of definition the sculpting had, it looks like Cushing is waving around an enormous demon dildo.

7/10

Robot Jox (1990)

Robot Jox was an entertaining ninety minutes, but under the shallow popcorn exterior was the potential to be much more. It's done in 80s action / kid's-movie fashion: heavy on action and special effects, light on logic, and aimed squarely for the "cool" factor. Surprisingly, the film's universe has more depth than your average kiddie actioner. It takes place in a dystopian future where the Soviet and American factions settle territorial disputes by duking two giant mech robots against each other in arena-style combat. Achilles' main character arc is kind of stupid. His tenth contracted match ends in a tie after a debilitating accident. The Russian robot jo(x)ck demands a rematch, but Achilles refuses until a genetically engineered robot jox he has a bit of a crush on is chosen as the rematchee. Blah blah blah. It's okay. They could have focused on Achilles' honor as an athlete, the mixing of politics and money, how a genetically-engineered human is different from a normal one, why there are fertility ads plastered all over, how the world decided to use giant mechs to solve their problems, etc. Anything would have elevated Robot Jox, but the filmmakers misfired on all counts except the Saturday morning cartoon aspect. At least they do a decent job with that--the stop-motion is really great. Robot Jox is worth a look because it's more provocative than it seems. Sadly, all of the interesting parts get buried under a dumb kid's show.

5/10

Planet of the Vampires aka Terrore nello spazio (1965)

Mario Bava is a master of style, the grandfather of Italian horror, and a genius when it comes to dressing up an extra low-budget picture. Black Sunday and Danger: Diabolik both proved him capable of directing fun genre pictures, even if not all of his films are as brilliant as the former. Unfortunately, Planet of the Vampires is not good enough to be engaging, and not bad enough to be funny (like Starcrash). It hits that middle ground where a film has a few positives and a few negatives that balance out to an all-round boring experience. The color, lighting, and fog are great as usual, but sadly the film is lacking something--a compelling human element or maybe, simply, charm. Two ships crash land on an unknown planet. A mysterious entity causes the crew members to become possessed and kill one another. It's a bit like The Thing meets Alien, but not nearly as interesting. There was some potential energy in the story department, but none of it was tapped. The characters are stupid like only bad sci-fi characters can be, leaving one person behind at every step of the way so that they can meet their inevitable demise. Another problem is that because no one character is developed and no one has any distinctive visual markings, it's difficult to follow the action. By the end of the first third, I just didn't care anymore and hoped the film could string me along for the ride. It couldn't. It's a shame that the Italians couldn't seem to grasp sci-fi in the 60s and 70s amidst their great horror films and westerns. Planet of the Vampires is no exception.

4/10

Super Mario Bros. (1993)

What do you get when you combine a cartoony Japanese video game with 80s action? You get Super Mario Bros! Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo star as Mario and Luigi, respectively. They're grimy plumbers from Brooklyn who encounter a girl, Daisy. She is kidnapped into an alternate dimension run by King Koopa (Dennis Hopper), and so, in typical fashion, Mario & Luigi must save the princess to save the day. Super Mario Bros is an odd clash. On a very shallow level, it's based on Mario--it has Koopas, Goombas, mushrooms, bob-ombs, etc, although most are in name only. Otherwise, it's Cannon Film meets dark fantasy world. It's like someone described the Mario games in Japanese, translated it to English, and sent it to a writer who adapted it into the most popular Hollywood genre at the time. If you're going to compare its fidelity to the video games, you're in for a bad time. On the other hand, if you're looking for a wildly different take on the Mario universe, Super Mario Bros delivers. It's a dark, creepy, twisted mess that brings action movie "realism" (and industrial grating) to a complete fantasy land, but with that "realism" comes the logical inconsistencies, plot holes, poor characterizations and dialogue. This movie is Nintendo platformer meets Sega Genesis shoot 'em up, and as sacrilegious as that sounds, I liked it.

6/10--Maybe a little generous, but it deserves to be offset a little bit from the hate parade.

West of Zanzibar (1928)

The second to last collaboration from Tod Browning and Lon Chaney is quite an entertaining, if not predictable, melodrama. Typical for Tod Browning, the setting is an exotic locale--first the circus, then Africa. Chaney plays a magician whose wife leaves him for a man seeking his fortune in Africa (Lionel Barrymore), but not before Chaney is debilitatingly crippled. Chaney spends the next eighteen years plotting his revenge, now known as "Dead-Legs" to the African tribes. For such a twisted film, it's pretty ordinary for Chaney and Browning. You could see the twist coming from a mile away, but that was mostly irrelevant because of Chaney's great performance. Tod Browning's direction has a solid, workmanlike quality to it. Consisting of mostly static shots, it lacks the movement and style of some its late 1920s peers, but makes up for it with Chaney and the African setting. I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly the film was paced, something I'm not accustomed to in silent films. The musical accompaniment prepared for it on TCM was quite appropriate and fit the picture well. West of Zanzibar is a quick, twisted, and enjoyable melodrama that is worth being considered as one of the lesser Chaney-Browning greats, but a great nonetheless.

7/10

Escape Plan (2013)

After several mediocre to mind-numbingly terrible attempts at reviving the 80s action genre, we're given the next best thing: Escape Plan. How many of those 80s action movies were really transcendent? Very few. That's the stuff all the critics compare this to. Die Hard. Total Recall. The more typical fare was the stuff from New World or Cannon Film--simple programmers that banked on the charisma of its talent. Well, here it is: Escape Plan. Sylvester Stallone stars as a prison security expert who gets put into the system then breaks out to reveal their flaws. Then, he takes a job in a prison run by a shifty, corrupt shadow government organization. Somebody doesn't want him out and so he faces the biggest challenge of his career. Is this the end? No, of course not. Helping him from within is Arnold, and thank God he's there because he greases the wheels that keep this movie chugging along. The dialogue is terrible and the plot is contrived, but I don't expect character development, clever writing, or even any depth to the logic when it comes to these kind of films. All I want is some good old-fashioned action that maintains a shallow level of verisimilitude. Escape Plan delivers. It's not a great film, but it's a slick and serviceable action thriller in the style of the Cannon or New World pictures of the 80s. It's exactly how the film was advertised, exactly what it promised when it started, and exactly how it played out. If you're looking for a return to 80s action, Escape Plan is a much better place to start than The Last Stand or the Expendables films.

7/10

Fire Birds (1990)

Fire Birds is a second-rate Top Gun ripoff with helicopters instead of planes. Nicolas Cage plays a Maverick-like helicopter pilot-in-training--arrogant to the max. Sean Young plays his independent-minded love interest while Tommy Lee Jones plays a good ol' rabble-rousin' root-tootin' Army instructor. The movie is a complete mess. The scenario is transparent War on Drugs propaganda, and the script is laden with macho posturing, terrible one-liners, and innuendo that is neither clever or funny. The romantic development between Jake (Cage) and Billie Lee (Young) could hardly be called development at all--for the first two-thirds of the film Billie Lee says no, then once Jake passes a difficult flight examination she says yes. This is the character who has a chip on her shoulder because of gender discrimination in the Army. Hilariously enough, when it actually comes to the final battle, she has to be walked through how to assemble a gun with pandering instructions like, "Take that cigar-box shaped thing and stick it with that coffee can shaped thing..." Insulting. The villains are the drug cartels. We do not see them at all in the film. They send a helicopter pilot henchman to defend themselves in the climax. Since we do not see them how do we know they are bad? Just trust the Army blindly that he was bad. And you'll have to trust me when I say Fire Birds was just as bad.

5/10

P.S.: There are not one, but TWO Phil Collins songs on the soundtrack.

Oblivion (2013)

A generous step up from SyFy Channel fare, but a step down from genuinely good science fiction action, Oblivion is an ambitious misfire. Tom Cruise stars as one of a two member crew assigned to maintain drones on Earth. They answer to a commander dispatching from a enormous structure in the sky called the Tet. It's an idiotic premise right off the bat. Fortunately, this problem is slightly remedied as the film progresses and the conspiracies / twists are revealed. Slightly. The main characters are, on the whole, bland with Tom Cruise playing his screen self and the supporting characters not really adding very much. Not even Morgan Freeman, whose role in the film was short and somewhat disappointing. Everyone appeared to be trying, but no one really stuck out. The aesthetic of this future is ripped out of other sci-fi films (the future is always sleek and white), and the special effects are heavily reliant on CGI (yawn). The soundtrack was a definite cut above the usual contemporary action film soundtrack as it showed some signs of good production and was reminiscent of Tangerine Dream at times. Probably not something I'd listen to on its own, but it was nice to see some thought put into the music for a change.

6/10

Mighty Ducks, The (1992)

Okay, so maybe The Mighty Ducks is a formulaic, somewhat bland kiddie sports movie. We've all seen it before: poor and/or loser sports team gets paired with asshole coach who learns about teamwork and then they rise above their loser background to victory. I don't really care. The good thing about formula is that its familiar. The Mighty Ducks isn't going to wow anybody with its life lessons or its meticulous plotting, but what it does provide is good solid entertainment. If there's one thing I hate in movies, it's bad kid actors. Luckily, The Mighty Ducks manages to avoid most of the cringe-worthy pratfalls that befall films that rely on their younger talent. And surprisingly, the Ducks consist of kids of all sizes without drawing attention to it--nothing like today's Disney ilk. Emilio Estevez's performance as the hotshot with a lot to learn is characteristically blank, but you know what? I like him anyway. The film is not groundbreaking or fresh or any of these things. It's doggedly formulaic. But it's got a solid cast, clean action, a quirky team, a sneering villain, and some good funny moments. Simple, charming, and fun.

7/10

Soap box: While the critics slammed The Mighty Ducks into the boards back in 1992, it's a terrible shame that Disney is no longer producing anything like this. It's so focused on its franchises and its snarky rich brat brand of television that these days I would welcome even the cliched values of something like The Mighty Ducks over the rest of the crap Disney's slinging around.

In Time (2011)

In Time is Justin Timberlake meets Bonnie & Clyde meets Robin Hood meets cyberpunk. On paper this sounds pretty good but unfortunately the film thinks its way too clever. JT plays a ghetto punk in a distant future where time is currency that is somehow digitally tattooed on your arm to list your funds. An unusual encounter with a rich man with a death wish causes him to realize the system is rigged and that it's wrong, so he sets out on a quest to topple the 1%. Still sounds great on paper. JT's acting is fine. He's not great, but he's naturally charming. His co-star, Amanda Seyfried, on the other hand, is emotionless. Perhaps it was the character, but perhaps it wasn't. Cillian Murphy's timekeeper cop was fun to follow, but still nothing special. What is both the film's strength and weakness is its concept: time as currency. Huh, you think, that could be pretty cool. And the different things they do with their time/money, or the different styles of living associated with those who have all the time in the world vs those who don't are pretty cool--at first. The film's script becomes so saturated with cutesy and clever time "jokes" that it becomes annoying and loses its appeal. And as much as I'm for sticking it to the Man, I'm not for excessive preaching. Writer and director Andrew Niccol deserves a time out for this one.

I'm sorry.

5/10

Back to School (1986)

Back to School is a film made up of many amusing parts that don't quite fit together. Perhaps it was the weak, nagging performance of the son (Keith Gordon), or the hodge-podge of underdeveloped college caricatures that populate the picture: student anarchist (Robert Downey, Jr), wispy fun-loving lit professor (Sally Kellerman), fratters, jocks, etc. The only strong caricature was Paxton Whitehead's rigid business professor, the main antagonist. Despite all this, the film does make a few pretty amusing stabs at the university scene, the pretentious academia and intellectualism, and education vs practice. Lost in the mix are lessons about fatherly love, independence, and self-worth. The only thing that elevates the picture is Rodney Dangerfield, playing his usual character--faux-classy, crass, wise-cracking and bugging his eyes out every chance he can get. He's hilarious and nearly the only good reason to watch the film. The other good reason is a cameo by Kurt Vonnegut. I wasn't a huge fan of Danny Elfman's score, but I enjoyed his appearance with band Oingo Boingo during one of the party scenes. The film isn't bad, but the parts that aren't Rodney Dangerfield are serviceable at best and are barely held together by its flimsy plot.

6/10

Licence to Kill (1989)

Timothy Dalton's second and final entry into the Bond series improves upon his first. When Felix Leiter is injured and his wife murdered by the drug lord Sanchez (Robert Davi) on the day of their wedding, Bond resigns MI6 so that he may get revenge. He is aided by an ex-Army pilot (Lowell) and Sanchez' girlfriend (Talisa Soto). Both Bond girls (especially Lowell's character) are more active and more intelligent than most of the girls during Moore's reign, and the other supporting cast members (Cary-Hiroyuki "Shang Tsung" Tagawa, Benicio Del Toro, Wayne Newton) were a welcome sight. Q gets some field operative work, but unfortunately he's relegated to chauffeuring. The production quality was very polished, and the technical work was top-notch. For a film that takes place on boats and coastal cities, I was pleasantly surprised the producers decided to skip out on the trademark snack-break underwater fight scenes. The weakest link was Kamen's score which basically sounded like generic 80s action music does Bond. Licence to Kill is grittier and darker than its predecessors, but still without its moments of wit and class. It doesn't quite jump out at you like the best films of the series, but it is well-made and entertaining.

7/10

From Beyond (1986)

Hot off of Re-Animator (1985), Stuart Gordon and crew sought to make another Lovecraft hit with From Beyond. While the film has an interesting premise--a scientific device called the Pretorious Resonator allows interaction with a parallel dimension via stimulation of the pineal gland, causing the death of its creator and the suffering of other witnesses--the script had too many flimsy moments. At the center of the film is Jeffrey Combs, wonderfully playing his neurotic scientist character. The supporting cast is hit and miss: Ken Foree and Ted Sorel both give solid performances as Bubba the cop and Dr Pretorious, respectively. On the other hand, Barbara Crampton's psychiatrist character was irritating and inconsistent. She's unrealistically rash and irresponsible, even with the film's attempts to explain. The subplot involving her rivalry with the head psychiatrist at the Miskatonic Hospital was painfully unprofessional and a chore to witness. Additionally, I felt many of the elements of the film, especially those involving sex and bondage, were juvenile. What I did enjoy was the color aesthetic--saturated neon pinks and purples--harkening back to the Corman days of yore and the Thing-inspired special effects, with a generous supply of gibbering, shape-shifting masses and 80s lightning.

6/10

Devil Rides Out, The (1968)

Christopher Lee stars in this enjoyable little witchcraft chiller. Lee plays Duc de Richelieu, an older man who discovers that a young friend of his has become involved with the black arts, his coven led by Mocata (Charles Gray between Bond films). He takes it upon himself to prevent this young man (Patrick Mower) and an associated young woman (the lovely Nike Arrighi) from their unholy Baptism into Satanism. Charles Gray plays a serviceable villain in this, while Christopher Lee excels as the dreadfully serious no-nonsense doomsayer and protector. The only other noteworthy member of the cast is Nike Arrighi as Tanith. She's one of the more irresistible actresses I've seen in a Hammer film--it's a shame she retired from acting so early. I wish I could figure out what kind of accent she has. With several fun sets considering the budget and a couple tense, exciting scenes involving magic, The Devil Rides Out is one of the better Hammer thrillers from the late 60s (although still not as excellent as Quatermass and the Pit). Definitely worth a watch. Good occult thrillers are not easy to come by.

7/10

A Note on the Restoration: The version I watched was the recent restoration in which Hammer chose to "fix" some of the effects left unfinished by either lack of funds or time. While the improvements are mostly unnoticeable to someone unfamiliar with the film and done tastefully (The only effect that was obviously digital a strike of lightning--don't they know lightning never looked like that in the 60s?), it does bring up the question of what level of alteration is acceptable if at all. I'm not sure I can provide a clear answer. The improvements didn't seem to be for stupid reasons like "to update the film to younger generations," or needlessly adding garbage to fulfill some delusional director's vision, but rather because they wanted to put a finishing touch on effects that were obviously unfinished due to circumstance. It's kind of like Harryhausen colorizing Merian C. Cooper's 1935 film She because their original intentions were to shoot in color, so he colorized it as a gesture of appreciation for the film. Does that justify the alterations? I'm not sure. Regardless, they should at least provide the original unaltered version for the purists.

Living Daylights, The (1987)

The Living Daylights takes the Bond series far away from the la-la land of shoddy rear projection and abundant stunt doubles and grounds it back into realism. Timothy Dalton's Bond is grim but not bad and not without a few moments of dry wit. The plot is standard grade spy stuff: defections, back stabbings, decoys, and other sneaky tricks. They throw in a subplot involving Afghan rebels, but it's not noteworthy. Actually, the story was pretty boring. I'm a big fan of both Jeroen Krabbe and John Rhys-Davies, but neither actor managed to develop their characters enough to stand out. They seem kind of half-hearted about the whole thing. The Bond girl, Maryam d'Abo, also seemed bored. She just didn't seem into it. Fortunately, the filmmakers decided against the tasteless wordplay and cheesy visual puns that plagued the Moore films and instead favored a more From Russia with Love-flavored tone that was lighter on gadgets and jokes. The stunt-work was impressive and there's a noticeable improvement in the limited rear projection work. The Living Daylights isn't a great film, but it's a huge improvement over its immediate predecessors. I don't understand all the hate towards Dalton's Bond. I thought he was pretty good despite the lackluster film surrounding him.

6/10

Dredd (2012)

Not quite a remake since the 1995 Judge Dredd was such a notorious misfire, Dredd delivers a solid and entertaining, if not somewhat limited, action film to fans waiting for a Dredd film done right. I've never read the Dredd comics, but I know one of the big issues with the 1995 film is that Stallone took his helmet off. Well, rejoice fans, Karl Urban keeps his on the entire time. The film's story is not much more than a standard video game plot, a sort of sci-fi Die Hard where Judge Dredd and rookie sidekick have to fight their way through a locked-down building complex full of obstacles and enemies to get to the boss-woman at the top. It's not particularly original or special, but the visual flair and the execution of the action saves it from the heap-pile of generic re-dos. While I didn't think the film was mind blowing, it did whet my appetite for more Mega City and has me hoping for a sequel where budget constraints won't limit them to a single (albeit large) location. Dredd reminded me those mid-grade 80s action films that didn't really push the genre, but were well-made enough to keep you watching.

7/10

Red Dawn (2012)

Chris "Thor" Hemsworth and Josh "Drake and Josh" Peck star in this substandard remake of John Milius's paranoid Cold War propaganda film. The film starts off on the wrong foot by trying to give Josh Peck a legitimate, "serious" character (hot-head high school football player). The problem is that not only is Josh comically bad at acting, he looks way too old to be a senior in high school. He is so comically bad that he pulled everyone watching out of the picture every time he was on screen! Just one split-second cut-away to Josh would send all those viewing into fits of laughter. Hemsworth does a decent job, but he doesn't deserve any special treatment for being the only competent actor in the film. The supporting cast is annoying at best, irritating at worst, and the plot just doesn't quite work without the Russians being the main threat. North Koreans are lame. The villains have no shred of humanity like in the '84 film--they are just generic action movie automatons that are there to get shot and blow up for cheap thrills. The remake is stripped of the darker themes of war and the attempts at muddying up the lines of morality. Red Dawn 2012 is another pathetic entry in the unending line of generic remakes designed to cash in on the original's reputation.

4/10 

China Syndrome, The (1979)

The China Syndrome stars Jane Fonda, Michael Douglas, and Jack Lemmon in a conspiracy thriller about a nuclear power plant mismanaged by its corporate heads for the sake of reputation and a quick buck. Fonda and Douglas give good performances as an ambitious news anchor and her independent cameraman as they battle against the money trail for the truth about an accident that they capture on film during a visit to the plant for a routine story. The best performance and the heart of the film is Jack Lemmon's as the shift manager and begrudging whistle-blower. I guess I've never really gave him much credit as a dramatic actor, but he was fantastic. The film could have easily become an anti-nuclear PSA, but it didn't stray very far into that territory at all. Rather, it was about technological hubris, corruption, and human error. As Lemmon's character, Jack Godell insists, "the system works," and it does. The higher-ups chose to ignore the warning, and then the human system kicked in--against Jack Godell. For some reason I thought the film was going to be slow, but it's an engaging, slick, and chilling ride.

8/10

Great Silence, The aka Il grande silenzio (1968)

The Great Silence is a bleak, cold spaghetti western with one of the most shocking, memorable endings ever in a western. The film isn't quite as put together or technically competent as its contemporary, Once Upon a Time in the West, but the subject material, setting, and ensuing climactic battle. The Great Silence revolves around corruption in a Utah town regarding the victimization of a group of Morman outcasts (who have bounties put on their heads). Frank Wolff plays a clumsy sheriff with good-intentions assigned to clean up Snowhill, UT, which is plagued by an infrastructure supporting scum like the bounty hunter Loco. Kinski's performance as Loco is quite excellent. Silence (Trintignant), an infamous mute gunslinger, arrives in town and begins a sort of investigation. The film's setting is unusual for a western: it's set in feet of snow with the weather playing heavily into the challenges of the film, from frozen guns and iced-over rivers to horses struggling to walk with the snow up to their bodies. And again, Ennio Morricone delivers a stellar score. The only major issues I had with the film were a slew of awkward moments that seemed script or director-related. These were not made any better by the absolutely terrible dub typical of 1960s Italian productions. Unfortunately, because both the English and Italian tracks were post-dubbed, I'm not confident the Italian dub would be much better.

8/10

Once Upon a Time in the West aka C'era una volta il West (1968)

Once Upon a Time in the West is a masterpiece spaghetti western from Sergio Leone, artfully deconstructing the Western genre and giving us something both clever and entertaining. A man and his family are murdered by a gang on the day of his new wife's arrival. Several men step in to help her discover why and prevent the inevitable confrontation with Frank (Fonda) and his men. Henry Fonda shockingly changes it up and plays the villain. Charles Bronson portrays a nameless cowboy who plays a harmonica and is haunted by his past. My favorite character was Cheyenne,  played by Jason Robards, as he brought a certain eloquent charisma to the role that the tougher characters lacked. Claudia Cardinale portrays the wife, complicated and sometimes difficult to sympathize with--I also don't think women were that hot back then. The film was often thought-provoking or just plain controversial, which makes it even better to mull over. Technically, the film is stunning, employing a surprisingly slow but perfectly executed pace and flowing cinematography. The sound design is striking, with all of the sounds of the Old West augmented in the mix (creating a kind of fantastic reality) which is aided by Ennio Morricone's brilliant score. Once Upon a Time in the West, along with The Wild Bunch, should be considered the crowning examples of an epic western.

10/10

Devils, The (1971)

Ken Russell's controversial film is brooding and powerful. The Devils depicts the downfall of charming priest, Urbain Grandier (Oliver Reed). At the beginning, he is concerned with earthly pleasures--sex, power, vanity--but as the film progresses and the Church and government tighten their grip on Grandier, he reveals despite his faults, he was not completely bad. The film is famous for having graphic scenes depicting violence and nudity, including scenes of torture and hysterical "possessed" nuns masturbating and having an orgy. These scenes were certainly shocking, but they were often overly self-indulgent. Really, the film is the most interesting whenever Reed is on screen. The other performances were fantastic all around, with Vanessa Redgrave as the neurotic Sister Jeanne and Michael Gothard as the over-the-top "rockstar" witchhunter/exorcist. The art direction and sets are gorgeous, and curiously, completely removed from 17th century setting. The film punches hard showing the extent that man is willing to go to corrupt political and religious institutions to his will, and comes highly recommended if you've got the stomach for it.

9/10

Hospital, The (1971)

Paddy Chayefsky's scathing satire on the medical industry has all of the bite of a good satire but lacks the focus. George C. Scott plays a troubled doctor who faces personal problems amidst a slew of mysterious malpractice deaths of his own staff-members. Chayefsky's dialogue is snappy as usual, occasionally drifting too far into medical gobbledygook for its own good. Diana Rigg is a wonderful actress (and very beautiful), but the development between her character and George C. Scott's character is rushed and unrealistic. The reasoning behind the deaths felt unsatisfactory as well, although after the initial shock I admit I was intrigued, no matter how screwy. The point the film was making about the health care industry was illustrated well in many moments of the film, but I felt like the film was too distracted for it to work. The Hospital has some good things it's trying to say but just doesn't manage to get out quite right. Five years later, Chayefsky fixed the problems that marred The Hospital and wrote one of the most prophetic, pointed, and witty satires of our time: Network.

6/10

PS: For several of the tracking master shots, the framing on the DVD chops the heads off the characters. The film was still watchable, but those shots did appear to be framed for a fullscreen shot (possibly an open matte?) then cropped incorrectly to 1.85:1.

Starship Troopers (1997)

Starship Troopers is the third film in what I call Paul Verhoeven's unofficial sci-fi trilogy (the first two are Robocop and Total Recall), and it's a blast. While it has a great supporting cast (Michael Ironside, Clancy Brown, Neil Patrick Harris), it also holds the notable distinction of making both Casper Van Dien and Denise Richards look like they can act. Van Dien and Richards star as young high school graduates who enter the military to combat an on-going conflict with enormous bug aliens across the galaxy. The film is part high school drama, part satire, and almost all action. Much of the film's humor comes from the jingoistic, propaganda-laden, and brainwashed universe that the characters live in. But even with the satirical elements, the film still has a generous supply of stupidity. Regardless, it's good, stylish fun. The music is by the excellent Basil Poledouris, and it's got some funny "future" 90s pop songs. Of special note is the special effects which still hold up well today despite a good amount of it being late-90s CG. My only complaint is that the film is a hair on the long side, clocking in at 129 minutes.

8/10

Repo Man (1984)

Repo Man is awesome--it's quirky, bizarre, biting, and hilarious. Emilio Estevez stars as Otto, a white suburban punk who quits his job and becomes a repo man alongside Bud (Harry Dean Stanton). They compete to seize a mysterious radioactive 1964 Chevy Malibu while dodging alien conspiracists, the Rodriguez brothers (a rival repo gang), and wacky government agents. The world is inhabited by mindless middle-aged folk, punks, televangelists, and the cosmic unconscious. Repo Man has the same offbeat energy and wild enthusiasm as Buckaroo Banzai, but it's put to better use as there's a lot less zaniness for pure zaniness' sake. The characters are colorful, and the film is highly quotable. I also loved how all of the products were labeled plainly: BEER, FOOD, DRINK, and I wonder if Don Delillo saw Repo Man before writing White Noise. In fact, there are quite a few similarities between the two. While I'm not big into punk music, the soundtrack fit the film really well. One of the most inventive and creative cult films I've ever seen. I highly recommend it.

8/10

Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die aka Se Tutte le Donne del Mondo (1966)

Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die is a lighthearted spy spoof comedy in the vein of Dino De Laurentiis' other comic book outings in the 1960s (ie Danger: Diabolik, Barbarella). Matt Connors stars as American secret agent Kelly, working to uncover a hairbrained scheme to sterilize the United States by a grinning horndog maniac Conrad Veidt impersonator (Raf Vallone). The plot is rather similar to Moonraker, which didn't come out for another decade and a half. Connors is a bit boring, but he's okay. Terry-Thomas provides the comic relief--as if the film really needed any. As far as comic relief goes though, Terry-Thomas is as good as you can get, and I love him for it. The film plays out with tongue firmly placed in cheek, including some pretty childish gags--slipping on a banana peel, for example--but it kept my attention. The real star of the picture was the music by Mario Nascimbene which is equal parts bossa nova and '60s Italo-soundtrack. Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die is a comic book movie the way comic book movies should be made--fun first, questions later.

6/10

Deathtrap (1982)

A decade before Deathtrap, Caine made his mark in the diabolically clever film Sleuth. Deathtrap has very similar style twists, turns, and revelations, but loses its grip in the second half. The casting is a little off with Irene Worth turning in a barely intelligible performance (it was supposed to be funny) as a Scandinavian psychic and Dyan Cannon giving an absolutely grating performance as Bruhl's (Caine's) wife. Thankfully, the two main actors, Caine and Reeve, give it their all and were a great pleasure to watch. Without giving much of the plot away, Bruhl, a stagnating playwright, comes across a brilliant play written by a student. Because he is desperate for a hit, he considers murdering the student and taking it for himself. From there, it goes crazy. With these maze-like films it's fun to see just how everything plays out. Typical of Sidney Lumet films, the production is slick and the material is smart. Johnny Mandel's baroque score imitates Sleuth's soundtrack, but it's far more heavy-handed. Despite its shortcomings, Deathtrap is a clever, flawed film that serves as a good companion piece to Sleuth.

7/10--I was tempted to give it a 7.5, but I told myself I'd never give halves. I'd say the body of the film is an 8, but I was disappointed with resolution.

A View to a Kill (1985)

Roger Moore's final attempt to destroy the franchise almost succeeds in A View to a Kill. Not even Christopher Walken's presence can provide any relief. Walken plays Max Zorin, an insane but enterprising businessman who wants to eradicate Silicon Valley so that he can create a microchip cartel. But for some reason he starts by rigging horse races. We spend the first HOUR investigating horse-race doping until we finally get into the main plot. I zoned out for over half of the runtime. Occasionally, a stunt here or there would be impressive, but I was so tired of obvious stunt doubles and bad rear projection that I just didn't care. Roger is at his eyebrow-waggling zenith and it's more irritating than ever. In no other Bond film have I rooted for anyone to lodge a bullet into Bond's head. They had a few good chances, too! Grace Jones is terrifying, and the other Bond girl--Tanya Roberts--is worse than Denise Richards (!). I could go on, but I think I can safely say that A View to a Kill is the worst Bond film ever made.

1/10

Octopussy (1983)

Roger Moore's sixth outing is hardly worth mentioning as it contributes nothing special to the franchise. The story is lame, the dialogue is lame, the stunts are lame, the theme song is lame, the gadgets are lame, the villains are lame, the girls are lame, and the Indian setting is borderline insulting. Everything is LAME. Old creaky bones Moore limps his way through India trying to follow the nefarious scheme involving jewels and nuclear bombs. Maud Adams returns to the franchise--heaven knows why--as Octopussy. Speaking of which, who nicknames their kid Octopussy? Every time anyone said "Octopussy," I was embarrassed for the actors. The film is not quite as inept as Man with the Golden Gun (the other Maud Adams Bond film), but it's not good. The film isn't even well-made from a technical standpoint since they had to edit around Moore's lame-o fight scenes and stunt doubles. But the biggest problem is that there are no stakes and no suspense to counteract Moore's foaming mouth-shit and eyebrow waggling. Octopussy is bad camp and utterly boring.

4/10

Marathon Man (1976)

A taut thriller starring Dustin Hoffman, Lawrence Olivier, and Roy Scheider, directed by John Schlesinger, Marathon Man is a twisted, suspenseful experience until it cops out right at the end. Hoffman plays a graduate student who haphazardly gets caught up in the scheme of one of the last remaining and most ruthless Nazi fugitives, Christian Szell (Olivier)--and that's all I can tell you. The film is effective at providing loose threads and keeping them loose until the revelatory moment hits you and it all comes together. It's not that the film is cryptic--it was pretty easy to see where the film was going--it's just that you don't know how. There are also one or two logical points that don't quite work. Either way, it was a pleasure to see it play out. The film production is a bit rough around the edges, but it works in its favor. Tightly woven, slightly sadistic, and fascinating, I enjoyed the film fully until the very end. I found out later that the cop-out ending was forced by Dustin Hoffman. It's a shame they never filmed the original ending because from the summary, it looks like it would have been a far more satisfying and believable conclusion.

7/10

Italian Job, The (1969)

Michael Caine stars in this lighthearted heist film that spoofs British culture relentlessly. From the stiff upper lip Mr Bridger (Noel Coward) who fancies himself like the Queen of England to the zany, non-sequitur sight gags and droll humor, The Italian Job is distinctly British and an unusual comedy-crime thriller. Caine delivers a great performance as Charlie Croker, a criminal fresh out of prison who decides to work a huge job--The Italian Job--as a favor to a deceased friend. He has to manage and wrangle with a team of incompetent but likeable cronies to pull off the elaborate heist--and what an elaborate heist it is. Featuring three Mini Cooper getaway cars (in the colors of the British flag) and a huge coach (also British colors), as well as some complicated but unlikely getaway tactics, the chase scene was more comedy than suspense, but it was fun. And that can be said for the rest of the picture. Surprisingly, the comedy combines well with the suspense and it rolls up nicely into a shallow but enjoyable film.

7/10

House of Usher (1960)

American International Pictures presents the first Edgar Allan Poe-Roger Corman horror film. For being a low budget affair, the film is very atmospheric and stylish. Some young pup (fiance of the Usher sister) comes to the Usher household to visit but runs into trouble when the mysterious Usher Roderick gives him a hard time. While Vincent Price gives a hammy but delicious performance as Rod, the supporting cast is nothing to write home about. The young Mark Damon's acting gets pretty sloppy especially towards the end ("TELL ME!"). The film's pacing is slow and drags a bit despite having a very slim 79 minute runtime. The costumes, set design, atmosphere, and garish but limited effects work were all pretty impressive for what little budget Corman was working with, but ultimately I felt the characters and writing fell flat (my apologies to Richard Matheson). The meatiest part of the film is the fiery climax, but the final scene plus the slick production design just doesn't quite succeed in holding the film up. I'd recommend this one for Vincent Price or Roger Corman enthusiasts and that's about it.

6/10

Django Unchained (2012)

Quentin Tarantino delivers another snappily stylish film, this time taking us to pre-Civil War America giving him the opportunity to parade around some classic Western homages (along with the typical exploitation fare). The film is gruesome, violent, offensive, and sometimes disturbing, but do you expect anything less from the man? The film is also fantastic. Christoph Waltz and Jamie Foxx give magnetic performances driving us comfortably through the film, and Di Caprio does an incredible job as the vile Calvin Candie. Tarantino nailed the production aesthetic of a 1960s Western right on the head, and the soundtrack is perfect for the film. Django Unchained is not afraid to breach taboo subjects regarding slavery, race, or whatever, but with Tarantino at the helm I always wonder if he's trying to make the audience think or just exploiting the taboo. Whether intelligent, exploitative, or both, Django Unchained is deliciously entertaining. The film is not without its faults: As usual, Tarantino tends to go a bit overboard on the language and violence. There was one particular shootout that went on so long that I lost interest two-thirds of the way through. I also thought the play with morality (and the karmic results thereof), a staple of classic Westerns, should have caught up to the protagonists a little harder in the end--despite their ambition and goal, I wouldn't say their actions were necessarily good the entire time. Regardless, go see it. It's great!

8/10

PS: I forgot to mention Samuel L Jackson. He's acting in this one--and well!

Gunga Din (1939)

Gunga Din is a polished adventure film from Hollywood's Golden Year starring Cary Grant, Victor McLaglen, and Douglas Fairbanks Jr. as rowdy fun-loving British soldiers in colonial India and Sam Jaffe in a rather touching performance (despite the no longer acceptable practice of brownface) as their Indian servant Gunga Din. The film is like other RKO adventure pictures in the thirties (like King Kong) in that nearly everything about it is larger than life, from the characters to the sets and setpieces. Of the four main actors, three turn in great performances: Cary Grant as a cocky soldier with imperialist swagger--out for treasure at any cost; Victor McLaglen's as his crusty officer companion; and Sam Jaffe as Gunga Din. That leaves Douglas Fairbanks Jr. in the rather undemanding role of a sap about to leave the army to be married. Also of note is Eduardo Cianelli as the menacing Thuggee cult guru. A good sense of humor, an excellent cast, enormous battle scenes, and exceptional production values make this a wonderful film that has aged quite gracefully.

8/10

Expendables 2, The (2012)

The Expendables 2 is a dismal affair starring a bunch of my favorite actors who are showing their age. Sylvester Stallone leads the Expendables team again in the action film equivalent of an early silent slapstick comedy: a clothesline on which to hang the gags. Unfortunately for us, the gags consist of insensible macho lines, bad action, and too many washed-up action stars. So washed-up that it diluted any potential impact. Their flat characters are even flatter this time despite obvious childish attempts at character development. Even more criminal, though, is that the elements that made the first one a success--80s action violence--was so poorly executed that it seemed like they originally been filmed it with PG-13 in mind, then threw violent cutaways in as an afterthought. With strong direction and writing, Jean-Claude Van Damme can appear halfway normal--without it though, he's a sauntering, round-house-kicking buffoon. It's a shame because I was looking forward to seeing him as a villain. Arnold and Bruce's cameo at the end is not nearly enough to save an already sunken ship. And don't get me started on Chuck Norris. All around a lack-luster, boring, and miserable experience.

2/10