Conan the Barbarian (2011)

YEEEAAAARRRGH! The how-is-this-not-direct-to-video remake of John Milius' 1982 sword and sorcery staple is mind-numbingly bland, a miserable combination of "cool" action and no character development. If you like seeing people get gutted, stabbed, sliced, punched, smashed, flipped, burned, or any number of other methods of dying at the hands of a character-less slab of meat, then this film is for you. The plot isn't much different from the original 1982 film in that it's a basic fantasy revenge plot, but the devil's in the details. The '82 film, while not perfect, posed some questions regarding morality, strength, and the philosophy of war. Not only that, the '82 film had fantastic sets, crunchy action sequences, a fascinating villain, and a masterpiece of a film score. Even if I stopped comparing this to the original film, Conan '11 fails to live up to even the basic standards of filmmaking. There is not a single aspect of the film that could be called "redeeming." Not even the only thing it focused on--the fight scenes--could be called noteworthy. I was so unimpressed and bored by this film that by the end, I was making "think checks," asking myself if I had thought anything about the film in the last few minutes. I thought Silent Running was pretty bad, but at least I was thinking about something during it. Conan the Barbarian '11 made my mind blank harder than I think it has in years. Stay away.

2/10

In Time (2011)

In Time is Justin Timberlake meets Bonnie & Clyde meets Robin Hood meets cyberpunk. On paper this sounds pretty good but unfortunately the film thinks its way too clever. JT plays a ghetto punk in a distant future where time is currency that is somehow digitally tattooed on your arm to list your funds. An unusual encounter with a rich man with a death wish causes him to realize the system is rigged and that it's wrong, so he sets out on a quest to topple the 1%. Still sounds great on paper. JT's acting is fine. He's not great, but he's naturally charming. His co-star, Amanda Seyfried, on the other hand, is emotionless. Perhaps it was the character, but perhaps it wasn't. Cillian Murphy's timekeeper cop was fun to follow, but still nothing special. What is both the film's strength and weakness is its concept: time as currency. Huh, you think, that could be pretty cool. And the different things they do with their time/money, or the different styles of living associated with those who have all the time in the world vs those who don't are pretty cool--at first. The film's script becomes so saturated with cutesy and clever time "jokes" that it becomes annoying and loses its appeal. And as much as I'm for sticking it to the Man, I'm not for excessive preaching. Writer and director Andrew Niccol deserves a time out for this one.

I'm sorry.

5/10

Artist, The (2011)

The Artist is Michel Hazanavicius' homage to the cinema, more specifically silent screen. The film is silent, with several notable exceptions. Jean Dujardin plays George Valentin--a mix between Douglas Fairbanks and John Gilbert with the right touch of lovableness for being an arrogant star--as he falls from grace in a transitioning film industry, and perky young dancer Peppy Miller (Berenice Bejo) moves into the spotlight. The film lovingly portrays Hollywood in the late 1920s, and is made similar to the films of the time using advanced naturalistic pantomime acting, a melodramatic plot, and mobile camerawork to convey emotion. There were a few moments that felt out of place--for example, the use of the Love Theme from Vertigo during the build to the climax--but ultimately the film was a rewarding experience.

9/10

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (2011)

The fourth entry of the Mission Impossible series does not fail to disappoint. Tom Cruise's team is blamed for blowing up a portion of the Kremlin and disowned by the United States government, which causes the team to go solo to uncover the conspiracy and complete the original objective. The film is absolutely ridiculous, with grand action scenes and very tense moments (Cruise scaling the Dubai skyscraper, among others). The humor is kicked up quite a bit in comparison to the first and second films (haven't seen the third), but it neither enhances nor detracts from the experience. Ultimately, MI: Ghost Protocol is a fun popcorn flick that is worth watching once, and a worthy entry in the MI series.

7/10

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Ridiculous from the get-go, Captain America is a flashy adventure film with a great sense of style and period charm that doesn't pretend it is anything more than a silly superhero film. The entire thing is a cheesefest complete with terrible dialogue and ridiculous action scenes, but overall it was balled up into a nice package that was what superhero films should be first and foremost: fun.

7/10