Kindergarten Cop (1990)

Kindergarten Cop is something truly special - a perfect combination of gooey sentimentality and High Eighties polish. Arnold plays a hard-edged narc cop trying to bring the greasy drug lord Cullen Crisp (Richard Tyson, with hair to match his character's name) to justice. Arnold discovers that Crisp's ex-wife and son reside in a small Oregon town, so he and a former teacher-turned-detective O'Hara go undercover to find the wife to get her to testify. Arnold is forced to take O'Hara's substitute teaching place when she comes down with the flu, and hilarity ensues when brawny manly man is overwhelmed by cute little childrens. On paper, this film sounds like an absurd, forced attempt to combine an 80s action flick with a fish-out-of-water comedy - but somehow the collision of square muscle-ness and circle kindergarten-ness is handled with enough charm (and about as much grace as an Arnold vehicle can be handled) to make it really work. So much so that Arnold's pride and protectiveness of his kindergarteners as he learns to tame the classroom becomes a far more interesting and touching story than the action elements that return in the third act. The film certainly has its weaknesses, a villain duo that's not all that interesting, a third act that's not quite as exciting as its first two, some humor that seems misplaced now (and may have seemed misplaced even back in 1990), but somehow the unlikely duo of Arnold and kids is a strong enough glue-stick to keep the film mostly in one piece. Kindergarten Cop always sucks me in whenever it's on television and then proceeds to take a straight shot at my heart.

8/10

Waiting for Guffman (1996)

From the mind of Christopher Guest comes this documentary-style comedy depicting the production of a play in small town Missouri. Guest provides us with characters who are at times sincere and lovable while also laughably delusional and/or way in over their heads. In celebration of the sesquicentennial anniversary of a small Missouri town named Blaine, theatre maven Corky St. Clair decides to put on a commemorative musical with the usual town actors plus some. The dubious promise that a Broadway producer, Guffman, is going to come critique the show adds fuel to the motivational fire. The film could easily have strayed into the territory of cruel mockery of both small town characters and community theater, but thankfully it didn't. Instead, we're presented with a cast of delightfully incompetent characters acting their hearts out and with a community that perfectly captures the pride of small town America. The cutaways to the audience during the final performance were a perfect illustration of the bond between the community members, made only more hilarious by the play's in-jokes and shameless self-promotion. And despite the cringe-worthy show, the genuine effort put in by the actors and the unbridled excitement of their fellow townies adds up to a pretty touching experience. Like Guest's Spinal Tap, every performance was (mostly) consistent and convincing, and the characters were human with maybe a little exaggeration thrown in for dramatic effect. Highly quotable quotes. I have a hunch that this is a film that gets better every time you watch it.

8/10

Speed (1994)

Keanu Reeves. Say it again with me. KEANU REEVES. God among men. The salt of the Earth and a pillar of salt. Speed has its two feet firmly placed in the 90s. Dennis Hopper plays a very odd villain (as Hopper is wont to do) whose elevator-bomb-ransom scheme is thwarted by hothead Keanu and partner Jeff Daniels. Hopper decides to play a game of wits with Keanu in retaliation by placing a bomb on a bus, which arms when the bus reaches 50mph and detonates if it drops below 50. Speed throws us full throttle into the fantastic reality of 90s action films--the fantastic reality of 80s action taken to its absurdest lengths. The laws of physics are exaggerated, defied, and defiled all for the sake of the audience's adrenaline-soaked enjoyment. Sandra Bullock can drive a huge hunk of bus-metal up and down exit ramps, around sharp 90 degree turns, over huge gaps in the highway, hitting car after car without injuring anyone, all while maintaining a speed above 50mph. It's glitchy cinema physics at its most extreme while still retaining a modicum of dignity--and it's done so well it takes your breath away. Keanu never gets very far past basic, shallow characterization, but Speed isn't about what Keanu FEELS, it's about what he DOES. And he does a lot! He does stuff in an elevator shaft, he does stuff in a few different kinds of cars going really fast, he does stuff on a bus, under a bus, in a subway train, ON a subway train, etc.! It's One Fish Two Fish for action movie vehicles, challenged only maybe by the second opening sequence to The World is Not Enough (boat-on-water, boat-on-land?, boat-on-water, hot air balloon!). A slick 90s production, with dynamic camerawork, great stunts, and an exceptionally fun plot, Speed delivers a highly polished and entertaining experience without the self-conscious irony of modern action films. An awfully good time.

8/10

Runaway Train (1985)

I never thought I'd be writing a genuinely positive review for a film produced by Cannon. Runaway Train stars Jon Voight and Eric Roberts as cons who escape from an Alaskan maximum security prison and get caught on a train that loses control through the tundra. Voight plays Manny, a rough, misanthropic convict who may have completely gone sour. Roberts plays a not-so-smart but enthusiastic young buck who tags along because he sees Manny as a kind of hero. What's so striking about the film is that while the characters face the obstacles you would expect out of a suspense/action film involving runaway trains, a good portion of the time is spent just with the characters as they hash out their problems, their insecurities, their jilted worldviews. In the face of possible death at the hand of circumstance, they're forced to confront themselves. Voight overacts and gets a ton of kind of weird off-the-cuff monologues, but they were entertaining and not terribly distracting. They spoke more to the nature of his character than any relevance to the plot. Roberts' character was pretty spot-on podunk dummy who means well. Based on a Kurosawa script (which is maybe why it's a cut above the usual Cannon ilk), and directed by Andrei Konchalovsky who I know very little about, the film, despite some major flaws in the third act, lives up to its critical reputation. An excellent Cannon film is a mythical thing, and Runaway Train doesn't disappoint. Highly recommended.

8/10

Big Gundown, The aka La resa dei conti (1966)

The Big Gundown is often considered the best non-Leone western by spaghetti western experts, and I'm inclined to agree. The film is slick and stylish, with an excellent performance by Tomas Milian and a solid one from Lee Van Cleef. Jonathan Corbett (Van Cleef) is a bounty hunter reluctantly wooed towards politics by a fat cat. After clearing the county of criminals, he takes it upon himself to hunt down Cuchillo (Milian), who is accused of raping and murdering a young girl, but Cuchillo proves to be a bigger challenge than Corbett anticipated. The Big Gundown paces itself slowly until everything comes to an epic showdown (the big gundown!) during the final moments of the film. Just like Once Upon a Time in the West, the ending makes everything worth it. The climax is multiple "hell yeah" moments that compound on top of each other. It was that cool. The buildup was never boring, but it also wasn't particularly noteworthy either. I did enjoy how the religious characters were portrayed not as idealistic fools, but rather trying to get by like the rest. Another interesting inclusion was the Austrian sharpshooter and Von Stroheim look-a-like. The film teases this guy's ability from beginning to end, and it pays off. Finally, Ennio Morricone's score is excellent as usual. I think this particular score is a bit overrated and doesn't stand well on its own like The Great Silence (the other best non-Leone spaghetti western) or The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly, but nevertheless it supports the film quite well. The Big Gundown was a treat, and it makes me wish more spaghetti westerns were actually good films, and not just good as far as spaghetti westerns go.

8/10

Gorgon, The (1964)

One of the finest Hammer Horror films, The Gorgon tweaks the formula and adds a shade more depth to the usual Hammer fare. Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing star, but their roles are reversed--instead of Lee as the heavy and Cushing as the kindly protagonist, Lee plays a kind of swaggering sleuth/professor and Cushing plays a jealous doctor protecting a dark secret at all costs. The German town of Vandorf has been plagued by a series of mysterious murders over the last five years that none of the townsfolk want to acknowledge. The victims are all found turned to stone. An investigation by unwelcome outsiders reveals that the spirit of a mythological Gorgon roams the surrounding forest, and they must discover how to destroy it. What gives the film its layer of depth though, is the way the relationships of the characters play out--an entire town colluding based on fear, two family deaths leaving one son left, a tragic romance. It's not that these are all deep threads within the film, but they add something to it, a bit of tragedy and ambiguity perhaps that is lacking in many of the ol' good vs evil romps that Hammer was known for. The medusa-head effects, infamously criticized by Christopher Lee, are pretty terrible, but that's really the only negative. The remainder of the production is very polished. A top-notch, enjoyable adventure from Hammer. If nothing else, watch it for Cushing and Lee together.

8/10

Horror Express aka Panico en el Transiberiano (1972)

Horror Express is fantastic mix of Euro-style horror, mixing elements of British Hammer Horror films with those of the more violent Spanish and Italian-style films of the 1970s. Horror Express makes me wonder how much of the film was intentional, because it's an uncanny mix of fun and horror, especially for '72. There's enough in this movie to please any B-movie fan including a prehistoric monster, crackpot science, alien possession, and zombies, not to mention other goofy elements like Russian cossacks (led by Telly Savalas!) and a Rasputin-esque mad monk (played excellently by Alberto de Mendoza). Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee are at the center of the picture, lending the film as much credence as it can possibly have. What better pair to have by your side when having to swallow some of the worst "science" put to film? The characters are flat and the plot is nonsensical, but somehow it manages to pull you in. What really makes the movie, though, is the creepy little things that just snowball to the end like the drained pupil-less eyes of the victims, the red glowing eyes of the possessed, and the creepy autopsy scene. The film is essentially The Thing on a train done Euro-horror style and it's really damn fun. Horror Express is the kind of forgotten horror film that you can only dream of stumbling upon. On the surface, it's no better than any other derivative horror pic, but it's so silly, energetic, and gleefully earnest that you can't help having a good time.

8/10

Curse of the Demon (1957)

Directed by Jacques Tourneur, Curse of the Demon is a delightfully entertaining witchcraft thriller with solid performances all around and fine-tuned technically. Dana Andrews plays a psychologist investigating the death of a colleague who had gotten mixed up in some witchcraft research. Andrews is an ardent skeptic despite being shown time after time that Dr Karswell (Niall MacGinnis) does in fact have magical powers. His pig-headedness gets to frustrating levels, but he finally gets it. MacGinnis' Karswell is equal parts charm and evil, performing party tricks for children one second then conjuring wind storms the next. The special effects for the late 50s are fantastic, particularly the smoke and fire effects. The demon itself, which was a point of contention between Tourneur and producer Hal Chester, was hit and miss but always surrounded by amazing light and smoke effects, the caliber of which I don't think we see again until the 1980s. My favorite effects moment came during a forest pursuit, where the protagonist was being chased by an enormous ball of white smoke. It looked amazing in black and white. The most impressive effects, though, come from the moody atmosphere and Tourneur's impeccable timing. There was one scene where I jumped two or three times... at silly things! It's like he took the Lewton bus to heart and started stacking them. They weren't even full on shock cuts. Complete with ancient tome, hexes, demons, and various other neat witchcraft related phenomena, Curse of the Demon is witchcraft horror done right.

8/10

China Syndrome, The (1979)

The China Syndrome stars Jane Fonda, Michael Douglas, and Jack Lemmon in a conspiracy thriller about a nuclear power plant mismanaged by its corporate heads for the sake of reputation and a quick buck. Fonda and Douglas give good performances as an ambitious news anchor and her independent cameraman as they battle against the money trail for the truth about an accident that they capture on film during a visit to the plant for a routine story. The best performance and the heart of the film is Jack Lemmon's as the shift manager and begrudging whistle-blower. I guess I've never really gave him much credit as a dramatic actor, but he was fantastic. The film could have easily become an anti-nuclear PSA, but it didn't stray very far into that territory at all. Rather, it was about technological hubris, corruption, and human error. As Lemmon's character, Jack Godell insists, "the system works," and it does. The higher-ups chose to ignore the warning, and then the human system kicked in--against Jack Godell. For some reason I thought the film was going to be slow, but it's an engaging, slick, and chilling ride.

8/10

Great Silence, The aka Il grande silenzio (1968)

The Great Silence is a bleak, cold spaghetti western with one of the most shocking, memorable endings ever in a western. The film isn't quite as put together or technically competent as its contemporary, Once Upon a Time in the West, but the subject material, setting, and ensuing climactic battle. The Great Silence revolves around corruption in a Utah town regarding the victimization of a group of Morman outcasts (who have bounties put on their heads). Frank Wolff plays a clumsy sheriff with good-intentions assigned to clean up Snowhill, UT, which is plagued by an infrastructure supporting scum like the bounty hunter Loco. Kinski's performance as Loco is quite excellent. Silence (Trintignant), an infamous mute gunslinger, arrives in town and begins a sort of investigation. The film's setting is unusual for a western: it's set in feet of snow with the weather playing heavily into the challenges of the film, from frozen guns and iced-over rivers to horses struggling to walk with the snow up to their bodies. And again, Ennio Morricone delivers a stellar score. The only major issues I had with the film were a slew of awkward moments that seemed script or director-related. These were not made any better by the absolutely terrible dub typical of 1960s Italian productions. Unfortunately, because both the English and Italian tracks were post-dubbed, I'm not confident the Italian dub would be much better.

8/10

Starship Troopers (1997)

Starship Troopers is the third film in what I call Paul Verhoeven's unofficial sci-fi trilogy (the first two are Robocop and Total Recall), and it's a blast. While it has a great supporting cast (Michael Ironside, Clancy Brown, Neil Patrick Harris), it also holds the notable distinction of making both Casper Van Dien and Denise Richards look like they can act. Van Dien and Richards star as young high school graduates who enter the military to combat an on-going conflict with enormous bug aliens across the galaxy. The film is part high school drama, part satire, and almost all action. Much of the film's humor comes from the jingoistic, propaganda-laden, and brainwashed universe that the characters live in. But even with the satirical elements, the film still has a generous supply of stupidity. Regardless, it's good, stylish fun. The music is by the excellent Basil Poledouris, and it's got some funny "future" 90s pop songs. Of special note is the special effects which still hold up well today despite a good amount of it being late-90s CG. My only complaint is that the film is a hair on the long side, clocking in at 129 minutes.

8/10

Repo Man (1984)

Repo Man is awesome--it's quirky, bizarre, biting, and hilarious. Emilio Estevez stars as Otto, a white suburban punk who quits his job and becomes a repo man alongside Bud (Harry Dean Stanton). They compete to seize a mysterious radioactive 1964 Chevy Malibu while dodging alien conspiracists, the Rodriguez brothers (a rival repo gang), and wacky government agents. The world is inhabited by mindless middle-aged folk, punks, televangelists, and the cosmic unconscious. Repo Man has the same offbeat energy and wild enthusiasm as Buckaroo Banzai, but it's put to better use as there's a lot less zaniness for pure zaniness' sake. The characters are colorful, and the film is highly quotable. I also loved how all of the products were labeled plainly: BEER, FOOD, DRINK, and I wonder if Don Delillo saw Repo Man before writing White Noise. In fact, there are quite a few similarities between the two. While I'm not big into punk music, the soundtrack fit the film really well. One of the most inventive and creative cult films I've ever seen. I highly recommend it.

8/10

Django Unchained (2012)

Quentin Tarantino delivers another snappily stylish film, this time taking us to pre-Civil War America giving him the opportunity to parade around some classic Western homages (along with the typical exploitation fare). The film is gruesome, violent, offensive, and sometimes disturbing, but do you expect anything less from the man? The film is also fantastic. Christoph Waltz and Jamie Foxx give magnetic performances driving us comfortably through the film, and Di Caprio does an incredible job as the vile Calvin Candie. Tarantino nailed the production aesthetic of a 1960s Western right on the head, and the soundtrack is perfect for the film. Django Unchained is not afraid to breach taboo subjects regarding slavery, race, or whatever, but with Tarantino at the helm I always wonder if he's trying to make the audience think or just exploiting the taboo. Whether intelligent, exploitative, or both, Django Unchained is deliciously entertaining. The film is not without its faults: As usual, Tarantino tends to go a bit overboard on the language and violence. There was one particular shootout that went on so long that I lost interest two-thirds of the way through. I also thought the play with morality (and the karmic results thereof), a staple of classic Westerns, should have caught up to the protagonists a little harder in the end--despite their ambition and goal, I wouldn't say their actions were necessarily good the entire time. Regardless, go see it. It's great!

8/10

PS: I forgot to mention Samuel L Jackson. He's acting in this one--and well!

Gunga Din (1939)

Gunga Din is a polished adventure film from Hollywood's Golden Year starring Cary Grant, Victor McLaglen, and Douglas Fairbanks Jr. as rowdy fun-loving British soldiers in colonial India and Sam Jaffe in a rather touching performance (despite the no longer acceptable practice of brownface) as their Indian servant Gunga Din. The film is like other RKO adventure pictures in the thirties (like King Kong) in that nearly everything about it is larger than life, from the characters to the sets and setpieces. Of the four main actors, three turn in great performances: Cary Grant as a cocky soldier with imperialist swagger--out for treasure at any cost; Victor McLaglen's as his crusty officer companion; and Sam Jaffe as Gunga Din. That leaves Douglas Fairbanks Jr. in the rather undemanding role of a sap about to leave the army to be married. Also of note is Eduardo Cianelli as the menacing Thuggee cult guru. A good sense of humor, an excellent cast, enormous battle scenes, and exceptional production values make this a wonderful film that has aged quite gracefully.

8/10

Sorcerer (1977)

Quite possibly the worst case of mis-titling in movie history, Sorcerer is a taut suspense thriller that has nothing to do with magic. A remake of the 1953 Henri-Georges Clouzot film Wages of Fear, Sorcerer holds its own. Roy Scheider stars as one of four criminals who, having fled to South America, picks up the highly dangerous job of driving two trucks loaded full of unstable nitroglycerin through the Amazonian jungle. The first hour of the picture sets up backstory, while also establishing the gritty, unrelenting mood of the picture. It's pretty intense on its own, but once the men finally get into their trucks and out on the road, the film really steps it up. Torrential downpours, road blocks, and all around mortifying suspense leave you no room to breathe. Mr Friedkin succeeds again in turning out a film that just doesn't let up. The score by Tangerine Dream is fantastic both in the film (I wanted more!) and as a standalone soundtrack, even though at first glance it might not seem appropriate. Check it out.

8/10

As a final note, the DVD copy of Sorcerer is subpar by modern standards, and I hope someday we can get the proper restoration and widescreen transfer this film deserves.

Skyfall (2012)

Daniel Craig returns for his third installment in the new Bond series, and the brute's been smoothed out a bit. Humor makes a welcome return to the franchise, and they've toned down the shakiness of the action scenes. The filmmakers strike a balance between the epileptic style of the first two Craig films and the more polished style of the films preceding them. The film is very playful, with some almost Pierce-ian banter and cute nods to past films. At first I was slightly apprehensive about delving into Bond's past, but the execution was tasteful. Javier Bardem's villain was amazing--he really knocked it out of the park. Both Bond girls were attractive, but I didn't think they added much. I'd say the music was the weakest link: John Barry's music is so iconic and distinctive to the franchise, I don't know why the producers don't want to own it. Instead we have a kind of middle ground generic Bond soundtrack with brief homages into Barry-esque sound. Great film. Best of the Daniel Craig films so far. Go see it.

8/10

PS: For God's sake, put the goddamn gunbarrel sequence at the beginning of the film. 

PPS: The title animation was pretty good. I thought Adele's theme was good as well until the chants came in. What is it with chanting in pop music these days?

District 9 (2009)

District 9 is a clever sci-fi thriller that discusses xenophobia, cultural and racial alliances, and corporate ethics. Aliens touch down in Johannesburg, and the humans decide to provide them aid which eventually results in a slum district and sub-par treatment. The main character is a bumbling fool who heads the project to move all of the aliens to a district farther out, but he becomes ill during the "raid" and begins to transform horrifically. Reminiscent of The Quatermass Xperiment and having a bold display of Starship Troopers-esque CG effects, District 9 does not disappoint. The script is good, the acting is good, even the shaky-cam didn't bother me. Hell, on a budget of $30 million dollars, my jaw was dropping with almost every effects shot just because of the shaky-cam--imagine how much motion matching they had to do! And even then, the effects, while not necessarily looking the greatest, moved fantastically. They had weight and integrated well into the environment. I was impressed.

8/10

Cliffhanger (1993)

A late entry in the High Eighties era of action films, Cliffhanger is a highly entertaining popcorn flick starring Sylvester Stallone as a mountain rescue climber. Still recovering from a tragic accident, Sylvester Stallone is asked to return to mountain climbing to help his ex-friend Michael Rooker (screaming his way through the picture as usual) as they get caught up in an air-to-air (very impressive stunt) heist gone wrong. The crowning achievement of the picture, though, is John Lithgow's loony performance as the villain Eric Qualen--a performance that is 10% menacing and 90% hilarious. I love Lithgow's performance in all its fake-British-accent, tongue-wagging, eyes-bugging glory. Falling off cliffs, knifings, shootings, fist fights, stalactitings, exaggerated explosions, and other fatal lapses in logic (where did they get C4... twice?) are the bread and butter of Cliffhanger, but what tasty bread and butter it is.

8/10

PS: Stallone's mouth sags even when he is hanging upside down.

Event Horizon (1997)

With Event Horizon, Paul WS Anderson proved he was able to direct a great film. Starring Sam Neill and Laurence Fishburne, Event Horizon is a violent, gory, and absolutely frightening film about a crew sent to investigate the reappearance of the ship that went missing mysteriously seven years before. The film reminded me of many sci-fi flicks that have gone before it, but somehow it managed to combine these elements quite well for a very rewarding experience. While marred by a few poor CG moments, the special effects are ultimately pretty good, with many of the elements looking like they were models (I'm not sure if they were, but I sure hope so). I was very impressed. Despite his poor reputation, my respect for Paul WS Anderson just keeps on growing.

8/10

Rubber (2010)

Diabolically tongue-in-cheek send up of movies and movie-watchers that tells you it's not going to contain any reason and delivers on its promise. The main plot seems a little goofy: a tire in the desert rolls around killing things with its psychokinetic powers. What was clever was that we are actually the viewers of both the film and a set of viewers of the film (except they stood in the desert with pairs of binoculars). Rubber is a film about movies. Cliches are played with. The viewers are both viewers and participants in the film. Some of the main characters realize they are acting. In fact, this self-referentiality reminded me very much of the Theatre of the Absurd. Maybe a bit pretentious, Rubber took a pretty big risk by throwing itself so far out there. Overall, an intelligent and delightful film.

8/10