Ogon Bato aka The Golden Bat (1966)

Absurd Japanese sci-fi adventure film about a secret service trying to stop the evil Nazo from crashing the planet Icarus into Earth. From the outset the film is ridiculous with laser blasters, a ship that resembles a tunnel boring machine (with eyes that shoot lasers), and Nazo himself, who looks like a guy in a giant pig costume with four eyes (he shoots lasers, too). On top of that, there's The Golden Bat, a bizarre superhero who was awakened from his Egyptian coffin on a piece of Atlantis that had surfaced in the ocean. He appears when he is called on to fight enemies with his "Baton of Justice." His mask looks almost exactly like Vincent Price's in The Abominable Dr Phibes (1971). Starring Sonny Chiba (but not as The Golden Bat). Ogon Bato is a bit too silly for its own good, but still fun.

6/10

Superargo contro Diabolikus (1966)

Cheesy but highly entertaining pulp spy film from Italy. Superargo is an ex-wrestler turned spy with amazing super human powers. He has to face off against Diabolikus before Diabolikus can enact a half-baked Goldfinger-esque scheme to flood the market with gold (that Diabolikus has created from mercury) causing economic chaos. While the film contains a lot of logical gaps and lapses in continuity, the sheer cheese-ball factor of everything is charming enough to keep the entertainment levels high. Superargo has to face everything from bullets, gas, freezing cold, being cooked alive, and more! The score by Franco Pisano blares confidently throughout, mixing the bombastic Bond brass with an Italian lounge sound. Hats off to Darrell Brogdon for a fun Cinema A Go Go.

7/10

Capricorn One (1978)

An intriguing conspiracy thriller about a faked Mars landing directed and co-written by Peter Hyams. The film has some really great dialogue and is highly engaging, with some decently developed characters. The mood of the film ranges from suspenseful to emotional (but mostly suspenseful). A drawn-out (but well-executed) plane/helicopter chase sequence, some really bad overly emotional slow-motion, and a lack of closure really mar the ending, but fortunately the worst of it comes only in the last minute and it's not nearly enough to ruin the film. The score by Jerry Goldsmith is really fantastic. Starring: Elliot Gould, James Brolin, OJ Simpson and quite a few more famous actors.

7/10

My Science Project (1985)

High school teens get into trouble when they find an extra-terrestrial engine with time-space warping properties. From a T-Rex (presumably a puppet, no CGI or stop-motion) walking in-frame across the screen (possibly the best pre-Jurassic Park T-Rex?) to tons and tons of 80s lightning, this film is a special effects feast for the eyes. While the film takes its time trying to develop the characters (even though they are all pretty much one-dimensional), the final third of the film is the meat, containing the majority of the (great!) special effects. I swear, the film is worth it on the effects alone. Fisher Stevens plays a hit-or-miss Brooklynese-talking sidekick with a few good zingers and a lot of bad ones. Dennis Hopper plays their half-baked science teacher. As a nice treat, the closing credits song is deliciously 80s.

7/10

Phantom, The (1996)

The Phantom is by no means a masterpiece, but it's still highly entertaining. It's a film that kids remember as being awesome and for good reason--the film is absolutely ridiculous. Stylistically a rip-off of Raiders of the Lost Ark, the plot is riddled full of gaping flaws in logic, but the action sequences are fantastic. Billy Zane can't act to save his life, especially not in a skin-tight purple suit. While I love Treat Williams, his portrayal of villain Xander Drax definitely left something to be desired. In fact, I much preferred the (smaller) presence of Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as yet another juicy Asian villain. The music is the worst aspect of the picture, maintaining the exact same intensity and style throughout which was pretty boring.

6/10

Class of 1984 (1982)

Being of the rather rare "teacher-wastes-delinquents" genre, Class of 1984 is already a crowd-pleaser. I mean, who doesn't enjoy seeing some idealistic teacher snapping and subsequently murdering several gang members because they decided to harass you then kidnap and rape your pregnant wife? From the first 2/3rds of the film you wouldn't expect the brutally violent conclusion that follows... And I mean brutal. For being a mild-mannered teacher, Perry King certainly knew how to kick ass! Directed by the fantastic Mark L Lester, Class of 1984 lacks the overt homosexual overtones of its successors (Commando (1985), Showdown in Little Tokyo (1991)), but already Mr Lester has established himself as having a sense of style and fun. Also starring: Roddy McDowall and Michael J Fox in an early role. The rousing anthem is sung by Alice Cooper.

7/10

D.A.R.Y.L. (1985)

Heartwarming family film that is quite entertaining. DARYL is a young boy that is actually a robot who, after being released from the lab by a defector, becomes accepted into a family. He eventually has to face the truth when the military comes calling for their project back. The film is pretty exciting for a family film as it contains car chases, a stealth bomber, and military-conspiracy shenanigans, but ultimately, DARYL is pretty tame. Typical to older family films there is some risque content (for example DARYL's friend calling his sister "Hooker"), but who cares? There is no lesson to be gleaned or deeper emotional content (other than a robot learning to love and that kind of mush), but DARYL is a fun, light-hearted, and harmless film that anyone can enjoy.

7/10

Vampire's Kiss (1988)

Interested due to the number of Nic Cage freak outs, Vampire's Kiss was a miserable 100 minutes of a film that was not funny enough to be a comedy but not smart enough to be taken seriously. Cage stars as a rich, yuppie literary agent who mistakenly believes he is turning into a vampire after he is haunted by the terribly miscast Jennifer Beals. Bizarre, confusing, and slow, Nic Cage's acting is hilariously bad, which is the only reason to watch. Unfortunately, there's not enough worth seeing to justify watching the entire film. Vampire's Kiss is a film that had a great concept but was executed terribly. Stick to the Cage Rage video, and you should get as much Vampire's Kiss as you need.

3/10

Showdown in Little Tokyo (1991)

A brilliant masterpiece of the High Eighties! The director of the quintessential classic Commando (1985) comes back in full force with this amazing piece of action cinema. Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee are buddy cops as they take down a drug-dealing Yakuza gang led by Shang Tsung himself, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa. What makes this film so brilliant is that, like Commando, Showdown in Little Tokyo is completely self-aware of the homosexual tendencies that are present in 80s action films and uses it to its advantage. In other 80s action films, you aren't always sure that each gun, knife, or bathhouse hose is phallic. In Showdown, you know. From Brandon's little eyebrow waggles and goofy grins to blatant man-to-man declarations like, "Despite myself, I like you!" Showdown in Little Tokyo hams it up hardcore. Speaking of hardcore, I forgot to mention the number of girls that get naked in this movie. A lot. An absolute must-see and crowning achievement of 80s action.

9/10

Rubber (2010)

Diabolically tongue-in-cheek send up of movies and movie-watchers that tells you it's not going to contain any reason and delivers on its promise. The main plot seems a little goofy: a tire in the desert rolls around killing things with its psychokinetic powers. What was clever was that we are actually the viewers of both the film and a set of viewers of the film (except they stood in the desert with pairs of binoculars). Rubber is a film about movies. Cliches are played with. The viewers are both viewers and participants in the film. Some of the main characters realize they are acting. In fact, this self-referentiality reminded me very much of the Theatre of the Absurd. Maybe a bit pretentious, Rubber took a pretty big risk by throwing itself so far out there. Overall, an intelligent and delightful film.

8/10

Jingle All the Way (1996)

The greatest Christmas movie of all time! Jingle All the Way pits Arnold Schwarzenegger against the last-minute holiday shopping season, including obstacles such as Sinbad the mailman, Jim Belushi the mall Santa con man, and others. The film manages to almost entirely throw off the shackles of Christmas sentimentality, instead focusing on the more realistic aspects of Christmas. While done in good fun, the film not only portrays materialism and getting caught up in the commercialism of the season in a favorable light, it also seems to encourage buying the love of your kid. God, I love this movie! So instead of a heart-warming lesson about the spirit of Christmas, you get Arnold running around like an idiot. And what more can you ask for?

8/10