Kindergarten Cop (1990)

Kindergarten Cop is something truly special - a perfect combination of gooey sentimentality and High Eighties polish. Arnold plays a hard-edged narc cop trying to bring the greasy drug lord Cullen Crisp (Richard Tyson, with hair to match his character's name) to justice. Arnold discovers that Crisp's ex-wife and son reside in a small Oregon town, so he and a former teacher-turned-detective O'Hara go undercover to find the wife to get her to testify. Arnold is forced to take O'Hara's substitute teaching place when she comes down with the flu, and hilarity ensues when brawny manly man is overwhelmed by cute little childrens. On paper, this film sounds like an absurd, forced attempt to combine an 80s action flick with a fish-out-of-water comedy - but somehow the collision of square muscle-ness and circle kindergarten-ness is handled with enough charm (and about as much grace as an Arnold vehicle can be handled) to make it really work. So much so that Arnold's pride and protectiveness of his kindergarteners as he learns to tame the classroom becomes a far more interesting and touching story than the action elements that return in the third act. The film certainly has its weaknesses, a villain duo that's not all that interesting, a third act that's not quite as exciting as its first two, some humor that seems misplaced now (and may have seemed misplaced even back in 1990), but somehow the unlikely duo of Arnold and kids is a strong enough glue-stick to keep the film mostly in one piece. Kindergarten Cop always sucks me in whenever it's on television and then proceeds to take a straight shot at my heart.

8/10

Shuttered Room, The (1967)

The Shuttered Room, by all accounts, should have been much better than it was. Carol Lynley and Gig Young star in this piece based on a Lovecraft/Derleth short story, but the film leaves behind its Mythos roots in favor of a more conventional mystery plot: Susannah Whateley (Lynley) returns to her rural childhood town with her rich husband to use her long-deceased parents' old mill as a summer cottage. A family curse is supposedly afoot, and a mystery lingers about what horror lurks in the shuttered room connecting house and mill. Lynley, an actress I've never really cared much for, plays the part no different from what I remember in other pictures - fragile, doe-eyed, stilted. Young plays her rich, older (MUCH OLDER) husband who has a Thunderbird and a knack for karate - this sounds like it ought to contribute more camp factor than it does, but sadly it does not. A somewhat redeeming factor is a pre-Devils Oliver Reed (employing his dreadful American accent) playing a lascivious country boy hellbent on getting with Lynley... whom I believe was also his character's first cousin. Basil Kirchin's jazz-steeped score is unsettling and interesting if not a bit out of place at times (he would go on to use a similar style to much better effect for Robert Fuest's camp masterpiece The Abominable Dr Phibes (1971) starring Vincent Price). While the production is pretty slick, the reveal at the end is rather unexciting - especially for those expecting something Lovecraftian - and getting to that point is a bit of a chore. I would only recommend this one to die-hard Oliver Reed fans, or Lovecraft cinema completists.

5/10

Waiting for Guffman (1996)

From the mind of Christopher Guest comes this documentary-style comedy depicting the production of a play in small town Missouri. Guest provides us with characters who are at times sincere and lovable while also laughably delusional and/or way in over their heads. In celebration of the sesquicentennial anniversary of a small Missouri town named Blaine, theatre maven Corky St. Clair decides to put on a commemorative musical with the usual town actors plus some. The dubious promise that a Broadway producer, Guffman, is going to come critique the show adds fuel to the motivational fire. The film could easily have strayed into the territory of cruel mockery of both small town characters and community theater, but thankfully it didn't. Instead, we're presented with a cast of delightfully incompetent characters acting their hearts out and with a community that perfectly captures the pride of small town America. The cutaways to the audience during the final performance were a perfect illustration of the bond between the community members, made only more hilarious by the play's in-jokes and shameless self-promotion. And despite the cringe-worthy show, the genuine effort put in by the actors and the unbridled excitement of their fellow townies adds up to a pretty touching experience. Like Guest's Spinal Tap, every performance was (mostly) consistent and convincing, and the characters were human with maybe a little exaggeration thrown in for dramatic effect. Highly quotable quotes. I have a hunch that this is a film that gets better every time you watch it.

8/10

Speed (1994)

Keanu Reeves. Say it again with me. KEANU REEVES. God among men. The salt of the Earth and a pillar of salt. Speed has its two feet firmly placed in the 90s. Dennis Hopper plays a very odd villain (as Hopper is wont to do) whose elevator-bomb-ransom scheme is thwarted by hothead Keanu and partner Jeff Daniels. Hopper decides to play a game of wits with Keanu in retaliation by placing a bomb on a bus, which arms when the bus reaches 50mph and detonates if it drops below 50. Speed throws us full throttle into the fantastic reality of 90s action films--the fantastic reality of 80s action taken to its absurdest lengths. The laws of physics are exaggerated, defied, and defiled all for the sake of the audience's adrenaline-soaked enjoyment. Sandra Bullock can drive a huge hunk of bus-metal up and down exit ramps, around sharp 90 degree turns, over huge gaps in the highway, hitting car after car without injuring anyone, all while maintaining a speed above 50mph. It's glitchy cinema physics at its most extreme while still retaining a modicum of dignity--and it's done so well it takes your breath away. Keanu never gets very far past basic, shallow characterization, but Speed isn't about what Keanu FEELS, it's about what he DOES. And he does a lot! He does stuff in an elevator shaft, he does stuff in a few different kinds of cars going really fast, he does stuff on a bus, under a bus, in a subway train, ON a subway train, etc.! It's One Fish Two Fish for action movie vehicles, challenged only maybe by the second opening sequence to The World is Not Enough (boat-on-water, boat-on-land?, boat-on-water, hot air balloon!). A slick 90s production, with dynamic camerawork, great stunts, and an exceptionally fun plot, Speed delivers a highly polished and entertaining experience without the self-conscious irony of modern action films. An awfully good time.

8/10

Seventeen Moments of Spring (1973, TV)

The only Soviet television blockbuster that I know of, Seventeen Moments of Spring apparently was so popular when it was originally released that the crime rates would significantly drop when it was broadcast. It is still an annual staple of Russian television to this day--and I can see why. The show is less like a television production and more like a 14 hour film, with each hour adding to the maze of information and intrigue at a sprawling, sauntering pace. Seventeen Moments focuses on Stierlitz, a Soviet spy disguised as an officer in Nazi intelligence as WW2 is coming to a close. Stierlitz is a man who, because of his position, has to carefully use his reputation and wits to gain trickles of information and play the other Nazi officials into his hand (or against each other). In this regard, he is the antithesis of James Bond. Stierlitz is cunning and calculated, measuring every small action and speech against its potential consequences. He plans carefully and does not distract himself with womanizing or worldly luxuries. What's so fascinating about Seventeen Moments is that it does not depict the Nazis as evil caricatures, but rather as flesh-and-blood people, charming at times and ruthless at others, fearful of what will happen to them when they are inevitably defeated. In the world of Seventeen Moments, the ideological consistency of the Nazis has been whittled away by attrition, and the officers are all realizing it will soon be every man for himself. On the whole, Seventeen Moments of Spring lacks the flashy set pieces and action scenes of many western spy flicks, but what it provides is a slowly percolating, compelling, and suspenseful experience that is worth every second of the film it was printed on.

9/10

Twilight's Last Gleaming (1977)

Call it weird, call it wacky, Twilight's Last Gleaming is an engaging if not somewhat bizarre Cold War thriller starring Burt Lancaster as a disgraced, idealistic general who escapes from prison, hijacks a Titan II missile facility, and then proceeds to threaten destruction of the world if his three demands are not met. The demands involve some of the usual things--money and safe passage (by having the President volunteer himself as a hostage)--but the most interesting item is the public disclosure of a confidential document regarding the abuse of power in sending American troops to Vietnam. Sounds ridiculous, right? The film walks the line between conspiracy thriller and 70s political suspense film with a good cat-and-mouse game being played between Dell (Lancaster) and the US military. The supporting cast is fantastic including Paul Winfield, Melvyn Douglas, Joseph Cotten, and Richard Widmark among others. Charles Durning plays a sympathetic and somewhat wimpy president. Hardly believable, but his indecisive lip-biting and ranting is very entertaining. One element of the film that doesn't quite work is Aldrich's reliance on split-screen techniques to depict simultaneous events--I felt the tempo and synchronization of these shots never quite gelled as well as they should have, and it was more of a distraction than an asset. Regardless, it's a minor nuisance that hardly detracts from how fun the film is. A silly, lighthearted thriller at first, but keep watching and you'll see just how dark and overtly political the filmmakers were willing to go.

7/10

Red Tent, The (1969) aka Krasnaya palatka

Back from the dead!

A product of odd circumstances certainly, The Red Tent features Peter Finch, Sean Connery, and Claudia Cardinale in an enormous, impressive film directed by the Soviet director Kalatozov and co-produced by the Italians. In an attempt to settle his guilty conscience, the restless General Umberto Nobile conjures up the ghosts of his past to try him for his actions during a disastrous dirigible expedition he led to the North Pole forty years ago. The film flits between the discussion/trial and the retelling of the expedition. Connery (who should have been in OHMSS) has a lengthy cameo as Roald Amundsen, the famous North Pole explorer. The film runs 158 minutes and aside from a few odd romance scenes between Claudia Cardinale and Eduard Martsevich, never drags. Worthy of note is the spectacular Arctic photography by Leonid Kalashnikov and the incredible production values considering the location and production circumstances--on top of the Arctic snow and ice, they managed to throw a blimp (presumably a real one or a large model) around in heavy gusts and then convincingly crash it. The story strikes the right level of adventure and terror, and Finch, Connery, and Martsevich's performances are all delivered with a level of conviction that makes it easy to believe in the sense of honor and hubris, selflessness and sacrifice that they bought into to go on these dangerous, seemingly heroic missions. Highly recommended, if not a bit hard to find.

9/10

A note on the different versions: The most readily available version is the 120-minute International Cut featuring the original English dialogue for the (mostly) English cast, and dubbed-into-English dialogue for the International cast members. It also features an excellent score by Ennio Morricone. Despite all this, I must recommend the original 158-minute Soviet cut as it is the fuller, deeper, and more thoughtful version of the film. The Italians' International Cut doesn't appear to excise any of the crucial elements, but it lacks the subtlety and elegance of the Soviet cut. The Soviet score by Aleksandr Zatsepin, while not as good as the Morricone score, is no slouch and could easily be mistaken for minor Morricone.

The International Cut is available on DVD in the United States. The Soviet Cut is not. If you're dying to watch the Soviet cut, message me and I'll try to help you.

One final technical note about the film: The film was originally shot in Sovscope 70, Soviet Russia's 70mm process at the time. Neither available home video version reflects this as the Italians cropped to 1.66:1 for its release in the 60s and for some bizarre reason, the Russian DVD is in what appears to be an open matte 4:3. I can't even begin to imagine how incredible this film would have looked in 70mm back in 1969 on its release in Russia, and think that this film deserves a careful restoration from the original elements. Criterion?