West of Zanzibar (1928)

The second to last collaboration from Tod Browning and Lon Chaney is quite an entertaining, if not predictable, melodrama. Typical for Tod Browning, the setting is an exotic locale--first the circus, then Africa. Chaney plays a magician whose wife leaves him for a man seeking his fortune in Africa (Lionel Barrymore), but not before Chaney is debilitatingly crippled. Chaney spends the next eighteen years plotting his revenge, now known as "Dead-Legs" to the African tribes. For such a twisted film, it's pretty ordinary for Chaney and Browning. You could see the twist coming from a mile away, but that was mostly irrelevant because of Chaney's great performance. Tod Browning's direction has a solid, workmanlike quality to it. Consisting of mostly static shots, it lacks the movement and style of some its late 1920s peers, but makes up for it with Chaney and the African setting. I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly the film was paced, something I'm not accustomed to in silent films. The musical accompaniment prepared for it on TCM was quite appropriate and fit the picture well. West of Zanzibar is a quick, twisted, and enjoyable melodrama that is worth being considered as one of the lesser Chaney-Browning greats, but a great nonetheless.

7/10

Escape Plan (2013)

After several mediocre to mind-numbingly terrible attempts at reviving the 80s action genre, we're given the next best thing: Escape Plan. How many of those 80s action movies were really transcendent? Very few. That's the stuff all the critics compare this to. Die Hard. Total Recall. The more typical fare was the stuff from New World or Cannon Film--simple programmers that banked on the charisma of its talent. Well, here it is: Escape Plan. Sylvester Stallone stars as a prison security expert who gets put into the system then breaks out to reveal their flaws. Then, he takes a job in a prison run by a shifty, corrupt shadow government organization. Somebody doesn't want him out and so he faces the biggest challenge of his career. Is this the end? No, of course not. Helping him from within is Arnold, and thank God he's there because he greases the wheels that keep this movie chugging along. The dialogue is terrible and the plot is contrived, but I don't expect character development, clever writing, or even any depth to the logic when it comes to these kind of films. All I want is some good old-fashioned action that maintains a shallow level of verisimilitude. Escape Plan delivers. It's not a great film, but it's a slick and serviceable action thriller in the style of the Cannon or New World pictures of the 80s. It's exactly how the film was advertised, exactly what it promised when it started, and exactly how it played out. If you're looking for a return to 80s action, Escape Plan is a much better place to start than The Last Stand or the Expendables films.

7/10

Fire Birds (1990)

Fire Birds is a second-rate Top Gun ripoff with helicopters instead of planes. Nicolas Cage plays a Maverick-like helicopter pilot-in-training--arrogant to the max. Sean Young plays his independent-minded love interest while Tommy Lee Jones plays a good ol' rabble-rousin' root-tootin' Army instructor. The movie is a complete mess. The scenario is transparent War on Drugs propaganda, and the script is laden with macho posturing, terrible one-liners, and innuendo that is neither clever or funny. The romantic development between Jake (Cage) and Billie Lee (Young) could hardly be called development at all--for the first two-thirds of the film Billie Lee says no, then once Jake passes a difficult flight examination she says yes. This is the character who has a chip on her shoulder because of gender discrimination in the Army. Hilariously enough, when it actually comes to the final battle, she has to be walked through how to assemble a gun with pandering instructions like, "Take that cigar-box shaped thing and stick it with that coffee can shaped thing..." Insulting. The villains are the drug cartels. We do not see them at all in the film. They send a helicopter pilot henchman to defend themselves in the climax. Since we do not see them how do we know they are bad? Just trust the Army blindly that he was bad. And you'll have to trust me when I say Fire Birds was just as bad.

5/10

P.S.: There are not one, but TWO Phil Collins songs on the soundtrack.

Oblivion (2013)

A generous step up from SyFy Channel fare, but a step down from genuinely good science fiction action, Oblivion is an ambitious misfire. Tom Cruise stars as one of a two member crew assigned to maintain drones on Earth. They answer to a commander dispatching from a enormous structure in the sky called the Tet. It's an idiotic premise right off the bat. Fortunately, this problem is slightly remedied as the film progresses and the conspiracies / twists are revealed. Slightly. The main characters are, on the whole, bland with Tom Cruise playing his screen self and the supporting characters not really adding very much. Not even Morgan Freeman, whose role in the film was short and somewhat disappointing. Everyone appeared to be trying, but no one really stuck out. The aesthetic of this future is ripped out of other sci-fi films (the future is always sleek and white), and the special effects are heavily reliant on CGI (yawn). The soundtrack was a definite cut above the usual contemporary action film soundtrack as it showed some signs of good production and was reminiscent of Tangerine Dream at times. Probably not something I'd listen to on its own, but it was nice to see some thought put into the music for a change.

6/10

Mighty Ducks, The (1992)

Okay, so maybe The Mighty Ducks is a formulaic, somewhat bland kiddie sports movie. We've all seen it before: poor and/or loser sports team gets paired with asshole coach who learns about teamwork and then they rise above their loser background to victory. I don't really care. The good thing about formula is that its familiar. The Mighty Ducks isn't going to wow anybody with its life lessons or its meticulous plotting, but what it does provide is good solid entertainment. If there's one thing I hate in movies, it's bad kid actors. Luckily, The Mighty Ducks manages to avoid most of the cringe-worthy pratfalls that befall films that rely on their younger talent. And surprisingly, the Ducks consist of kids of all sizes without drawing attention to it--nothing like today's Disney ilk. Emilio Estevez's performance as the hotshot with a lot to learn is characteristically blank, but you know what? I like him anyway. The film is not groundbreaking or fresh or any of these things. It's doggedly formulaic. But it's got a solid cast, clean action, a quirky team, a sneering villain, and some good funny moments. Simple, charming, and fun.

7/10

Soap box: While the critics slammed The Mighty Ducks into the boards back in 1992, it's a terrible shame that Disney is no longer producing anything like this. It's so focused on its franchises and its snarky rich brat brand of television that these days I would welcome even the cliched values of something like The Mighty Ducks over the rest of the crap Disney's slinging around.

In Time (2011)

In Time is Justin Timberlake meets Bonnie & Clyde meets Robin Hood meets cyberpunk. On paper this sounds pretty good but unfortunately the film thinks its way too clever. JT plays a ghetto punk in a distant future where time is currency that is somehow digitally tattooed on your arm to list your funds. An unusual encounter with a rich man with a death wish causes him to realize the system is rigged and that it's wrong, so he sets out on a quest to topple the 1%. Still sounds great on paper. JT's acting is fine. He's not great, but he's naturally charming. His co-star, Amanda Seyfried, on the other hand, is emotionless. Perhaps it was the character, but perhaps it wasn't. Cillian Murphy's timekeeper cop was fun to follow, but still nothing special. What is both the film's strength and weakness is its concept: time as currency. Huh, you think, that could be pretty cool. And the different things they do with their time/money, or the different styles of living associated with those who have all the time in the world vs those who don't are pretty cool--at first. The film's script becomes so saturated with cutesy and clever time "jokes" that it becomes annoying and loses its appeal. And as much as I'm for sticking it to the Man, I'm not for excessive preaching. Writer and director Andrew Niccol deserves a time out for this one.

I'm sorry.

5/10

Back to School (1986)

Back to School is a film made up of many amusing parts that don't quite fit together. Perhaps it was the weak, nagging performance of the son (Keith Gordon), or the hodge-podge of underdeveloped college caricatures that populate the picture: student anarchist (Robert Downey, Jr), wispy fun-loving lit professor (Sally Kellerman), fratters, jocks, etc. The only strong caricature was Paxton Whitehead's rigid business professor, the main antagonist. Despite all this, the film does make a few pretty amusing stabs at the university scene, the pretentious academia and intellectualism, and education vs practice. Lost in the mix are lessons about fatherly love, independence, and self-worth. The only thing that elevates the picture is Rodney Dangerfield, playing his usual character--faux-classy, crass, wise-cracking and bugging his eyes out every chance he can get. He's hilarious and nearly the only good reason to watch the film. The other good reason is a cameo by Kurt Vonnegut. I wasn't a huge fan of Danny Elfman's score, but I enjoyed his appearance with band Oingo Boingo during one of the party scenes. The film isn't bad, but the parts that aren't Rodney Dangerfield are serviceable at best and are barely held together by its flimsy plot.

6/10